10. Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They’re fighting over the dog instead of my sister and me. FML

9. Today, I had the rehearsal for two of my friends’ wedding. My ex-husband is also in the wedding, and I just found out we have to walk down the aisle together ‘for height reasons’. FML

8. Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML

7. Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He’s already married. To me. FML

6. Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. I sat listening in the other room as he asked, “So… how about I take that pain in the ass daughter off your hands?” Then they both laughed. FML

5. Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

4. Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

3. Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

2. Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

1. Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, instead of nodding your head. FML