10. Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. His response? “Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?” FML

9. Today, my mother stormed into my room shouting about how I never go anywhere and then tells me to go out “NOW” and do something. As she is pushing me out the door, her boyfriend walks in. FML

8. Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the “gigantic massive dump” she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

7. Today, I bought my wedding dress and sat it on the bed while I went to buy matching shoes. When I came home, I saw my soon to be husband on the bed sitting next to my wedding dress. Turns out he spilt Coca-Cola on the dress and was trying to get it out with carpet cleanser. FML

6. Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code word for when I’m being annoying. FML

5. Today, I went out to eat with a group of couples and my boyfriend. All my friends boyfriends paid for them. Mine didn’t, and said that I should order off the diet menu. FML

4. Today, I found out that my dad has been funneling money out of my account and into his. His reasoning behind this: “Back pay for having to raise your lazy ass”. FML

3. Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

2. Today, I managed to fall face-first into a used condom. FML

1. Today, after celebrating my birthday yesterday, getting really drunk, I woke up naked in the bathroom at my girlfriend’s house. Why did I wake up? Her father walked in. FML