10. Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, “You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey.” FML

9. Today, after over a year of lifestyle changes and a ritualistic exercise regime, I finally reached my goal weight. I excitedly told my boyfriend, and he responded, “Yeah, that’s nice, but now your tits are tiny”. FML

8. Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I’ve just raped myself. FML

7. Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML (Dj Dubbz Sidenote: I hate bras I never got the whole
unclipping of a bra with one hand. It always ends up in an awkward bear hug. FAIL)

6. Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: “unusual vaginal secretions”. They’re unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

5. Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML

4. Today, I had to explain to my husband why putting on dirty underwear after a shower defeats the purpose. We had this discussion in the middle of me giving him head. FML

3. Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour’s window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML

2. Today, I sneezed so violently that my tampon came out. FML

1. Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML