10.Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only “sluts and whores” shave their pubes. She then told me that she’s never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she’s “moral.” Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

9. Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said “You think you’re ready for a round two?” She replied “No, but I do think I’m ready for the rest of round one.” FML

8. Today, my extremely OCD girlfriend wouldn’t have sex with me because my bedroom wasn’t “properly symmetrical.” FML

7. Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML

6. Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read some of the logs, and discovered he has been posing as a woman and holding filthy conversations with “hot teen lesbians” for the past several months. FML

5. Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

4. Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I’d wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

3. Today, the girl I’m in love with told me she might be a lesbian. She then asked me if I wanted to have sex with her. I asked if she was 100% sure she was a lesbian? Her reply was: “No, I just think you’d be a good transition”. FML

2. Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type ‘virginia’ into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for ‘virgin boy assholes’. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I’m a young guy. FML

1. Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a “hickey” with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we’re meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML