10. Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad’s pubic hair. I don’t know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

9. Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

8. Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend’s wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML

7. Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

6. Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

5. Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

4. Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I’m 32. FML

3. Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can’t please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

2. Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he’ll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

1. Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let’s just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I’m afraid of what he’s going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML